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Here’s my story …

No, no, no. Just listen for a second. Here’s how it really went down.

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I was lazing in the living room, enjoying the warmth of a late afternoon sunbeam, minding my own business, simply going about my day, etc. etc., when I happened to notice that the toy mouse I often enjoy playing with was not in my bed. It was, in fact, on the mantelpiece.

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Now, let’s pause for a moment to consider something: I am not able to climb onto the mantelpiece. I, therefore, was surely not the one who put my beloved toy mouse on top of it. Let the record show that I am undeniably innocent on this count.

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Anywho, it then occurred to me that our newly purchased and decorated Christmas tree was stood right next to the mantelpiece in question.

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Christmas trees tend to look very sturdy, don’t you think? No? Well, it’s subjective, I suppose. I thought that tree could easily take my body weight—and actually, it did! For a short while, anyway, right up until I got to that top branch…

 

…which, okay, here I will take some responsibility. I shouldn’t have got distracted by the bauble. What can I say? It was a shiny ball dangling in front of me, twirling, sparkling, asking to be pawed. I’m only feline, after all. And this, as we’re all well aware, was what led to the tree toppling rather dramatically onto a set of nested glass tables. (If I may? Those tables were an accident waiting to happen. Buying them was hubris on your part, as far as I’m concerned.)

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So, in light of these new facts, here are my suggestions for next Christmas:

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Keep the toy mouse at ground level at all times
Have as little glass in the living room as possible
When selecting a tree, make sure to—

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Excuse me? What did you just say? ‘Get a new cat’? Was that supposed to be funny? Not exactly in the holiday spirit, is it?

That’s it. I’m returning your gifts.

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Story by ShadyPets.com (c) 2021. All Rights Reserved.